chasing light

 

at the beginning of the year, i chose

'be a light' for my word.

 

 

i wasn't really sure what that meant for my life until this moment.

i'm sure we all have heard that child song,

'this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine'

the phrase,

'hide it under a bushel. no!'

really has been speaking to me lately.

 

 

you see.  i have been hiding under a bushel for the most part of this year.

dealing with situations i never thought we would be dealing with.

i could feel the darkness all around me.

i couldn't see the light at the end,

or even around me.

 

i could only spend time

protecting what really mattered the most.

my marriage, my child, my relationship with God.

the rest just fell away.

 

i hid.

 

 

as i look back on my life, i have been chasing light.

it's light that comes with darkness that really has captivated my soul.

it demands my attention.

 

the sun breaking through fog.

the stars and the milky way on a moonless night.

 

 

the lightening during storms.

and the light after storms.

 

 

but i have come to realize that the light in me, the light of God, is the only light

i need.

and maybe what others need as well.

 

we have all been in a place of darkness, but if you let God in

and replace that darkness with His light,

you will shine.

 

you will become beautiful, captivating to others around you. 

and they will wonder what it is that you have.

they will want it as well.

and you can tell them.

 

 

this is what i have been working on lately.

i have packed most of my art supplies away but had to keep out my clay.

 

i call her oralee.  it means my light.

or more specificity lord is my light. 

i can't wait to finish her.

 

 

i came across the 'everlasting light' line by dayspring. 

 

 

each piece spoke to me, but i love the bracelet.  it's something that i could wear

each and everyday to remind me.  that i have a light to shine.

 and please go here to read more about being a light.
such encouragement.
 

ephesians 5:8

for you were once darkness, but know you are the light in the Lord.

live as children of the light

 



building our home. and what i have learned...about myself

 this is what i have been up to for the last year.

(you can read a little background about it on my last post.)

as a daughter of a carpenter and a student of architecture and interior design,

i thought i was well prepared.

i was ready and i knew what to expect.

but as i look back i realized that what really has prepared me for

this adventure, for building our home, is being married to a farmer.

for the last 14 years i have watched him deal with breakdowns, set backs,

drought and floods.  crop prices crashing and wondering if we were going 

to be able to farm the next year.  wondering if he will be able to continue the work he enjoys and that which God has made him for.

and after being worn down dealing with all that, harvest time comes.

he can see the fruits of his labor.

but it's not enough to just sow the crops, water and nurture them.   he has to have the strength to bring them in.

 (our future kitchen)

 harvest time if the busiest time of the year.  it is made up of crazy hours, sacrifices, and faith.

we have seen God bless his work.  sometimes just enough to continue to farm the next year.  sometimes it is a feast.

but one thing i have never seen him do is throw in the towel.  give up.  never saying that it's not worth it.

 (dining room and looking into the living room)

this is embarrassing for my to say but through this adventure, i realized that i give up too easily.

too soon.

if something is harder that i first thought, i stop.  if it's taking too long, i give up.  if it isn't working out like i thought it should, i throw in the towel.  it's not worth the stress, the sacrifices, the hard work to see, whatever it is, to the end.  i not bring in the harvest of my work.  i had believed the lie that whatever God's will was for me, that it would be easy.

i cannot begin to tell you how many times i was ready to give up on this home.  the schedule just went haywire.  we have had many sacrifices, setbacks, emotions that ran wild.

we were beginning to wonder if we misunderstood God.  maybe this wasn't his will for us.  but we keep hearing... keep going.

i believe that it is not a coincidence that our home's final stage is starting just as harvest is starting.

not a coincidence at all.  we are exhausted.  both mentally and physically.  but we can't stop now.  we have to see it to the end.

(my art studio)

so may i offer up a little prayer.  that we will turn to God to give us strength to bring in our harvest.  whatever that may look like for you.  that will we not give up.  that we will be blessed by seeing it through to the end.  then the celebration can begin.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

the building of a dream

(this will be our view)

after 20 plus years of dreaming.

an planning.

and hoping.

and tearing out magazine pages and pinning

to my heart's content.

it has finally happened.

we are building a home.

you see, my dad is a contractor.

i grew up watching homes, watching dreams being built.

i went to college to study architectural drafting and interior design.

i had hoped that someday i could have my dad build me a home.

mr. farmer joined me in that dream 10 years ago.

after praying for years,

and having our dreams stopped 3 times,

God has said 'now'.

i am not a patient person. 

i wanted it done 10 years ago.

but i believe that everything happens for a reason.

even the timing.

especially the timing.

we may never know why it has taken so long to finally happen.

but i trust God.

trust that He has his hands in this dream.  

the photos are a few of the many i have found on pinterest to inspire our new home.

i am trying to blend all of our tastes.

so it will be a 

rustic, bohemian farmhouse.

think wooden beams, exposed brick, barn doors, galvanized barn lighting and reclaimed lumber.

we will have 17 acres to roam.

to explore.

to discover.

via

via 

 via

via

 via

so thank you Lord for giving me this dream to begin with.

thank you for saying 'yes'

thank you to my dad and my brother for joining us.

and thank you to mr. farmer's cousin for also joining us.

and also agreeing to our 

(or maybe i should say mine)

particular requests.

being set free

 i'm not sure why i give up on my blog.

maybe it is because i am not a writer.

seriously...

words are not my strong suit.  it is my weakness.

but for some reason

i always have to come back here.

even if no one reads...

or understands what it is i am trying to say.

the last few months have been hard.

coming face to face with myself.  the ugly side.

the dark inky holes in my heart.

i have some seriously high expectations of myself.  voices and lies of what my life should look like. what kind of person i should be.  how our home should look like.  i have carried heavy burdens around for so long that i forgot what it felt like to be myself.  i didn't like who i had become.

a couple of weeks ago i finally let go of my luggage.  those rocks that had kept me from moving, from changing, from becoming who He had made me to be.

because i couldn't forgive.

myself.

i gave those expectations.

those ugly, dark, nothingness to God.

it is amazing.  the kind of lightness that comes from releasing your burdens.

from opening your heart...showing those dark, ugly, inky holes. 

the change that only God can do.

taking those things that we don't like about ourselves

and turning them into something beautiful.

using them to bless ourselves.

and others.

this painting is what came of what i was feeling.

the trusting.  the forgiving.  the life changing.

redeemed.

 

i am joining at chatting at the sky.

please won't you head over there to see how others are making life 'art' this past month.

 

today i am thankful for 

~a day to just veg out.

~harvest almost coming to an end

~God's truths

~good friends

~my life 'art'

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our love story

today i am sharing our love story.

a story about my husband,

me,

our daughter,

and how God is in control.

a new bread recipe

 in my opinion...

there is nothing more homey

than the smell of fresh bread baking.

  i found this recipe on pinterest.

i just changed it by using 1 cup of better for bread flour,

instead of using all whole wheat flour.

the first time i made it...the bread was pretty dense.

and i like my bread a bit more fluffy.

can you have fluffy bread?

anyway...

this recipe was easy peasy.

and smelled sooo good!

plus wasn't a bad addition to potato soup!

today i am thankful for-

~a wonderful surprise this morning

~my daughter's sense of humor.  she can make me laugh so hard that i have tears running down my checks

~herbs and spices

~laughter with my husband

~rest

from beginning to end

 good morning friends!

i want to thank all my new followers and the 

sweet comments you have left on the last few posts!

i truly appreciate all of you!

i want to make it over to all of your blogs...

maybe since it is only 5 out this morning,

today will be a good day for that! 

anyway...

i have had a few people ask me about my process

of my paintings here and

on my facebook page.

so today i thought i would share one of my paintings.

i have a few different styles and  this is just one...

this one i am doing on 100% cotton 140 lb water color paper.

first i draw out the scene... 

i just use a 4b pencil.

i then started to add some vintage papers...

i love using vintage wallpaper, music sheets, dictionary pages, etc.

i do find a lot of these at thrift stores.

next i add color to the background.

i use golden fluid acrylics, pan pastels, and soft pastels.

 just keep building color on the background using acrylics.

for the face i use shiva oil paintstiks.

love how smooth they are...so much easier to use than regular oils...

in my opinion anyway!

for the details i use a white gel pen to doodle around the face

and other places....like the halo here.

i use a black and white stabilo pencil to do the scene ...

this pencil will write on anything.

and it is water soluble so i can add a wet brush to 

it to make it look like a watercolor.

and here is the finished painting.

if any of you have more questions...please ask!

i will try to get them answered.

i'm linking up to 

studio jru in the studio sneak peek

and

paint party friday

you can join us by linking up as well as check out other creative souls...
i hope you do!

hope everyone has a great weekend!