being set free

 i'm not sure why i give up on my blog.

maybe it is because i am not a writer.

seriously...

words are not my strong suit.  it is my weakness.

but for some reason

i always have to come back here.

even if no one reads...

or understands what it is i am trying to say.

the last few months have been hard.

coming face to face with myself.  the ugly side.

the dark inky holes in my heart.

i have some seriously high expectations of myself.  voices and lies of what my life should look like. what kind of person i should be.  how our home should look like.  i have carried heavy burdens around for so long that i forgot what it felt like to be myself.  i didn't like who i had become.

a couple of weeks ago i finally let go of my luggage.  those rocks that had kept me from moving, from changing, from becoming who He had made me to be.

because i couldn't forgive.

myself.

i gave those expectations.

those ugly, dark, nothingness to God.

it is amazing.  the kind of lightness that comes from releasing your burdens.

from opening your heart...showing those dark, ugly, inky holes. 

the change that only God can do.

taking those things that we don't like about ourselves

and turning them into something beautiful.

using them to bless ourselves.

and others.

this painting is what came of what i was feeling.

the trusting.  the forgiving.  the life changing.

redeemed.

 

i am joining at chatting at the sky.

please won't you head over there to see how others are making life 'art' this past month.

 

today i am thankful for 

~a day to just veg out.

~harvest almost coming to an end

~God's truths

~good friends

~my life 'art'

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and the walls came tumbling down

have you heard that song?

'joshua fought the battle of jericho, jericho,

jericho.

joshua fought the battle of jericho,

and the walls came tumbling down.'

i have or rather had very high,

strong, 

and thick walls built around me.

the details don't matter,

but because of things that i have done,

things that have been said and done to me,

i built walls.

i felt safe behind them.

like a cocoon.

but i heard God saying...'your walls are not a cocoon, but a

prison.'

'you were not made to be safe. you were made to fly.'

 'you were made to show the world My light through you.'

so He has been removing my walls.

brick by brick.

softly, gently and whispering...

'i will catch you.'

 so i am gripping white knuckled

to the one that knows.

i am scared,

but i am ready to shine for Him.

do you have walls?

if you do, pray.

pray for strength to hang on to Him.

He will not leave you...scared and alone.

today i am thankful for

~warmer weather to walk outside

~ watching eagles fly above our home

~tearing down walls

~new paint

~figuring sales tax

today i am linking to 

in the studio sneak peek friday

please be sure to check out what everyone else is creating.

happy friday everyone!

i see His beauty

 this year i want to concentrate on

portraits

in my art.

so this week i have been practicing.

i have found out

that doing eyes is my

favorite part.

 

of course...

maybe that is because

the eyes are the first thing

i notice in a person.

the color, the shape.

the laugh lines.

i have been reminded

that i have to open my eyes.

to see Him.

and His gifts.

His gifts are all around us.

God not only shows himself in the large things.

but 

God also shows himself in the smallest of things.

are we slowing down

enough

to see them? 

today i am thankful for

~new friends

~being able to be patient enough to talk a kitten down a tree

~laughter

~faces to draw

~my eyes to see



today i'm linking to
studio jru in the studio sneak peek friday
paint party friday
be sure to check out all the other lovely creations.

behind the curtain

 

 

i have heard that there are those who have quiet time with

the Lord

in the wee hours before the sun comes up.

before the rest of their family is up.

with a cup

of coffee.

 

i have also heard there are those who have quiet time with

the Lord

outside.

walking.

hiking.

running.

just waiting to hear His voice on the breeze.

 

not me.

nope.

for some reason

i end up having quiet time with God

in the shower.

 

 

i don't plan on it.

it is when i am the most

vulnerable.

maybe it is there because

i am totally alone.

 

or maybe because no one

can hear my heartache

with sound of the water

rushing.

 

as the warm hot water is running down my neck

and shoulders,

my heartache is let loose.

 

it is there that He fills up

the holes.

left by the pain.

disappointment.

and failures.



 

He fills them with His

love.

grace.

forgiveness.

and strength.

 

He reminds me that no one.

not one human.

can do that.

 

Only Him.

He alone.

 



 

have you heard the song

'the well' by casting crowns?

 

'leave it all behind'

'leave it all behind'

'and come to the well'

 

or in my case...the shower. :)

 

 

oh...one more thing.

that rug.

 up above.

was made by my beautiful friend.

she has a page with all of her

creations.

 

in His loving arms...

have a wonderful day.

alissa

 

 

what i am thankful for today

~my daughter back in school after 5 days of the flu

~a day spent in my studio

~prayers and encouragement from strangers

~a well worn, warm sweater

~God filling those empty spaces

 

my art heart

summer is over

and harvest is in.

 

three weeks ago i started an art journaling class from

junelle jacobsen from yes and amen.

 

 

learning to take where we are and seeing the beauty in our mess.

 

life is not easy.

no it's not.

we all have trials and struggles.

disappointments and pain.

 

i tend to clam up.

not to share where i am.

to hide from reality.

and from those who truly love me.

 

i don't want them to see my pain.

my weaknesses.

my sin.

 

 

 

i think that i can get through it alone.

that i alone, must work harder to overcome.

 

 

then i read this post from ann voskamp...

 

she writes...'the word God wastes nothing and He heals

two broken hearts with one story-the reader and the writer.

 

then this morning i read this post by junelle jacobsen...

 

she writes...'So, I am moving when God moves. I am under His watch and care. I am held. He knows me, the real me, the silly hideherheadinherpillow me. He knows the groanings of my heart and He loves to wipe the tears from my eyes. He is my first love, my real and lasting love. And I don't have to do this life alone.'

 

God has been working on me and in me to share.

my story.

not the details, but the struggles,

the pain,

the disappointments.

but also the hope i have in Him.

 

earlier this year i prayed that my art would be real.

more honest.

full of hope and encouragement.

little did i know that He would give me more struggles.

more pain.

more disappointments.

and keep me there.

to use in my art.

so that through my life, my art would be more alive.

 

so i want to live more intentionally.

more authentically.

to trust Him.

to give of myself.

to help heal.

not just my heart.

but someone else's heart as well.

 

not only in real life but here on my blog as well.

i hope you will join me.

not only as i share my journey,

but yours as well.

 

 

 

in His loving name...

 

 

painting of the sky

i may be biased.

but i think that central nebraska

has the most beautiful sunsets

and sunrises

that i have ever seen.

moving out in the country

8 years ago was a first for me.

was always a town girl.

loved driving out in the country though.

we were able to buy a farm house

so mr farmer could be closer to his land.

we had been living in town since we were married.

i had bought a house when i moved back after collage.

we thought that living there made more sense than spending

money on rent.

mr farmer was excited to be able to be back to his roots.

i was completely taken with the view.

with no buildings blocking my

front seat view to the paintings in the sky.

sometimes they looked like the land was on fire.

it reminded me of my days in college.

pottery class and glass blowing class.

you have to use fire, or heat to make things beautiful.

and stronger.

lately i have been thinking that these are a reminder from God.

the most beautiful sunsets come after a storm.

so if you are going through a storm or don't think that

you can take much more 'heat',

please know that He is with you...

making you not only stronger

but beautiful.

how i will be spending my mornings

this is where i will be spending my mornings for the next couple months.

i joined my first bible study a couple weeks ago.

and there is homework.

i haven't had homework since collage.

which was awhile ago.

but i have to say that i really enjoy it.

so much so, that i don't want to quit.

we are studying esther~it's tough being a woman-- by beth moore.

i was told when i joined, that beth has us do homework for 5 days a week.

but i decided that this was important.

more important than housework.

so before i do the morning dishes,

before i do bills,

before i do laundry,

this is what i do.

i get together with my Lord.

after emma leaves for school and mr. farmer leaves for work.

no music, no tv, no voices but mine and my God's.

what a wonderful way to start the day.

so do you have a special ritual in the mornings?

i would love to hear about it.

a little glimpse

a photo of God's handiwork that i saw this week. this is the sunrise we had yesterday.

i am linking up to studio JRU 'a glimpse'. be sure to pop on over to see what others have seen as a glimpse of God's splendor.

May the Lord bless his land

with precious dew from heaven above.

Deuteronomy 33:13