the building of a dream

(this will be our view)

after 20 plus years of dreaming.
an planning.
and hoping.
and tearing out magazine pages and pinning
to my heart's content.

it has finally happened.

we are building a home.
you see, my dad is a contractor.
i grew up watching homes, watching dreams being built.
i went to college to study architectural drafting and interior design.
i had hoped that someday i could have my dad build me a home.
mr. farmer joined me in that dream 10 years ago.
after praying for years,
and having our dreams stopped 3 times,
God has said 'now'.

i am not a patient person. 
i wanted it done 10 years ago.
but i believe that everything happens for a reason.
even the timing.
especially the timing.
we may never know why it has taken so long to finally happen.
but i trust God.
trust that He has his hands in this dream.  

the photos are a few of the many i have found on pinterest to inspire our new home.
i am trying to blend all of our tastes.
so it will be a 
rustic, bohemian farmhouse.
think wooden beams, exposed brick, barn doors, galvanized barn lighting and reclaimed lumber.

we will have 17 acres to roam.
to explore.
to discover.
love the beams and exposed brick

book shelves for living roomvia 
 Old schoolvia

 Like the ceiling, stool and worktables.via

so thank you Lord for giving me this dream to begin with.
thank you for saying 'yes'
thank you to my dad and my brother for joining us.
and thank you to mr. farmer's cousin for also joining us.
and also agreeing to our 
(or maybe i should say mine)
particular requests.


being set free

 i'm not sure why i give up on my blog.
maybe it is because i am not a writer.

words are not my strong suit.  it is my weakness.

but for some reason
i always have to come back here.
even if no one reads...
or understands what it is i am trying to say.

the last few months have been hard.
coming face to face with myself.  the ugly side.
the dark inky holes in my heart.
i have some seriously high expectations of myself.  voices and lies of what my life should look like. what kind of person i should be.  how our home should look like.  i have carried heavy burdens around for so long that i forgot what it felt like to be myself.  i didn't like who i had become.

a couple of weeks ago i finally let go of my luggage.  those rocks that had kept me from moving, from changing, from becoming who He had made me to be.
because i couldn't forgive.

i gave those expectations.
those ugly, dark, nothingness to God.

it is amazing.  the kind of lightness that comes from releasing your burdens.
from opening your heart...showing those dark, ugly, inky holes. 
the change that only God can do.
taking those things that we don't like about ourselves
and turning them into something beautiful.
using them to bless ourselves.
and others.

this painting is what came of what i was feeling.
the trusting.  the forgiving.  the life changing.

i am joining at chatting at the sky.
please won't you head over there to see how others are making life 'art' this past month.


today i am thankful for 
~a day to just veg out.
~harvest almost coming to an end
~God's truths
~good friends
~my life 'art'